This Is Our Country

Joke of the Day - Q: Where do young cantaloupes and honeydews spend their summers? A: at John Cougar Mellencamp

I had a fairly decent weekend, as far as weekends go for me nowadays. I didn't let the fact that it was yet another lost football weekend get to me too much (my fourth straight sub-.500 spread pool showing, 0-3 in my money fantasy leagues and a disastrous showing by the Eagles in a home loss to the Jaguars). I would, however, like to extend a nice and haughty F.U. to Chevrolet, maker of fine automobiles and hugely annoying pickup truck commercials.

It is Halloween week, and I am certain that I will see nothing as scary as the heart-pounding terror I experienced all day on Sunday during football commercial breaks. Every break in the action (and there were many...SO many!) caused my pulse to race and my skin to crawl. What is it that scared me so? I was brought to the brink of throwing a remote control through my DLP ("it's the mirrors!") by the shock and awe bombardment of my senses generated by the Chevy Silverado ad blitz. It is highly possible that the next time I hear the song "Our Country" by the former John Cougar, I may eat my own ears to stop the pain. Every second commercial, the strumming and twanging of that Godforsaken song washed over me like so much 80's New Jersey coastal medical waste. It was a relentless barrage. It got me thinking...if these commercials could break me this easily, they ought to be subjecting our guests at Guantanamo to this sugary pap. After a few hours of that type of torture, Homeland Security could turn the most hardened Al Qaeda operative into a Stars and Stripes waving card-carrying member of the Dale Jr. NASCAR Fan Club.

The ads are constructed around the John Cougar patriotic homage to America, "Our Country". The spots are set up so current event video footage can be inserted at various points to coincide with the lyrics, such as the forrest fire video that appears during the "...to the West coast" lyric. I am guessing that some advertising executives might have lost their jobs on Monday. I am usually fairly astute at picking up the angles most commercials are coming at me from, but some of the imagery chosen for some of the spots were somewhat questionable. I am not sure what genius ad exec decided that showing Hurricane Katrina footage during the "dixie highway" lyric was a hot idea. How does video of forrest fires and flooded out portions of the Gulf Coast make anyone get motivated to buy a new Chevy pickup truck? Hell, while they are at it, why not go for even more realism. How about some video of Senators emailing young boys or oil executives and some of our "representatives" in Washington sharing a hot tub and washing themselves with wads of money! It would be awesome! I would have so much fun if I were working on the video splicing for these commercials. I can see John Mellencamp strumming his guitar towards the big finish then panning to a picture of Capitol Hill with a giant "For Sale" sign sticking out of it. "...this is our country!". Oh yeah. Advertising magic!

Speaking of advertising barrages, is ANYONE running out to buy a Nissan Sentra because Napoleon Dynamite lived out of one for seven days? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Anyone?

[Currently Listening: The Misfits - "Braineaters"]

Philly Fans Suffering - From Self-Induced Bad Karma

I am a native Philadelphian. I am a Philadelphia sports fan. I am proud to be a Philadelphia sports fan. And man, there are times that I hate Philadelphia sports fans. There have been rumblings from amongst the Philadelphia sports faithful that there might be a curse at work against us, that the four (it's three if you discount the NHL as a non-major sport, an argument that carries more merit with me these days) major Philly sports teams are doomed to never again win a championship. They point to a lack of championships produced by any of the four (Eagles, Phillies, Sixers, Flyers) since 1983 as a sure sign that someone somewhere put the maloinks on us all. I don't believe in the "curse" theory. What I am beginning to believe in more and more these days is karma - and our karma as a fan base is pretty krappy. As the Hindu god Vishnu once said, paybacks are a bitch.

I will spare all of the tired references to Philly fans throwing snowballs at Santa Claus (and Jimmy Johnson for that matter) and how we have cheered badly injured opponents (see Michael Irvin). We complain when the national media repeatedly brings up these (and worse) examples of our collective fan behavior, but the truth is the nasty Philadelphia sports fan reputation is one we revel in. It is said by many that we are the most passionate fans in the country, and that the behavior exhibited by many in Philly is merely the result of being hungry for a winner. I can envision a new Snickers commercial based on this excuse-making: "throwing glass bottles at a Giants fan and his kids in the parking lot after a game - another side affect of hunger.").

One of my most vivid memories as a Philly sports fan is not of something that happened on any of the four teams' playing surfaces. This recollection is from an event that transpired on one of the ramps leading down from the 700 Level of the (thankfully) now-demolished Veterans Stadium during the late 80s. Chip Lohmiller of the Washington Redskins had just hammered through a game-winning field goal, sending the Eagles faithful to the exits in agony. Upon making my way through the exit tunnel, I found a group of 20-or-so Redskins fans exulting in their victory. It pissed me off that they were being as vocal as they were, and I traded some good-natured barbs with them while I waited for my friends to catch up with me.

There was one 'Skins fan in particular who was louder and more obnoxious than the others. He was a large black man, well over 350 pounds, and his number 44 Riggins jersey was stretched to its maximum capabilities. I remember the man's giant man-boobs bobbing up and down as he danced around the area that passed for a concourse yelling "Ya'll sorry!!! The Eagles be SORR-EEE!!! Y'all just sorry!!!". What happened next seemed to be out of a dream. Three Eagles fans, no lightweights themselves, came out of the exit way and saw this maroon-clad behemoth dancing and taunting us and didn't blink before reacting. One guy simply socked the fat Redskins fan in the eye and continued to pummel him (he fell down to the ground immediately) while the other 19 'Skins fans stood there, too horrified to react. His two friends began putting the boot to him while he lay on the ground yelping and semi-squealing for help. The last of the three Eagles fans stopped kicking and punching the man after only 10 seconds and walked over to the giant metal trash can that was chained to the wall. He motioned for me to approach and asked me to help him rip the trash can from the wall. We stomped and yanked the chain, freeing the trash can after about 30 seconds or so. After we got it free, he said "thanks", grabbed the trash can and took it over to the melee. A few of the Redskins fans thought about getting involved, but after surveying the scene (there were now a couple hundred mostly green-clad onlookers on the ramp) thought better of it - and just stood there staring. A couple of them ran down the ramp, presumably to either save their own lives or to get help. The guy with the trash can made his way through the mass on onlookers - and the beating stopped as soon as he made eye contact with his two partners. After the can was kicked over and emptied, the three men grabbed the 'Skins fan and stuffed him head-first into the trash can as best they could, turned it around and kicked the can down the ramp - sending the presumably near-unconscious loud-mouthed visitor rolling down towards the 600 Level. After watching the trash can roll out of sight, we all ran the other way. I remember thinking on the way down to the Pattison Ave. subway platform that it sure seemed as though this wasn't the first time these three guys (I would find out later that the three were from Fishtown) disposed of an opposing fan in this manner.

There are no fans in any other city across our great nation that focus on the negative more than my fellow Philadelphia sports fans. Tune in to sports talk radio after any Eagles game and hear the Philadelphia sports fan complain. We complain after losses, and sometimes justifiably so. However, we also complain after victories! Mike Schmidt, one of the greatest players in the history of baseball, a career Phillie, and my childhood hero has three quotes attributed to him that perfectly sum up the Philadelphia sports fan mentality. The first, and probably most famous: "Philadelphia is the only city, where you can experience the thrill of victory and the agony of reading about it the next day." The second is not as famous, but no less telling: "If you're associated with the Philadelphia media or town, you look for negatives. I don't know if there's something about their upbringing or they have too many hoagies, or too much cream cheese." The third cuts right to the heart of my argument: "You're trying your damndest, you strike out and they boo you. I act like it doesn't bother me, like I don't hear anything the fans say, but the truth is I hear every word of it and it kills me."

Isn't it time that we Philadelphians realize that there is more to providing a real home field advantage than simply trying to intimidate the visiting team and/or fans? A true home field advantage is created when the home fans give the home team a boost through their support. While it is true that professionals should be motivated to play regardless of what the people are doing in the stands, athletes perform better when they WANT to produce for the home crowd. Philadelphia fans are some of the most vocal and energetic in all of sports. But Philadelphia fans will also venomously turn on an athlete in a heartbeat - regardless of what they might have accomplished in their career (see Michael Jack Schmidt, Hall of Famer).

This is getting long, so I should probably get to my point. My point is that I am sick and tired of hearing the scores of Philadelphia fans whine and cry about how they "deserve" a championship. I am as championship and parade-starved as anyone in this city, but I do not believe this fan base deserves anything at this point. To deserve something implies that something has been earned. Chicago Cubs fans DESERVE some good fortune. Red Sox fans DESERVED the World Series title the team won in '04. Are there not thousands, nay, hundreds of thousands of loyal Philadelphia fans that truly stand behind their teams through thick and thin? Yes, there are. But those people have long been drowned out by the drunken (can anyone explain why it is a necessity to be slobbering and vomitously drunk in order to "enjoy" a football game?), violent, negative fan that has long been recognized as the "true" Philadelphia sports fan. The truth is that there is a long laundry list of evidence that suggests that Philly sports fans are maybe one evolutionary ladder rung above European soccer hooligans.

I went an Eagles-Chargers game in the late 90's out in Southern California pitting the Rodney Peete-led Birds against the Jim Harbaugh-led Bolts. The game was as boring as any football game I had ever witnessed. If memory serves, the Eagles lost 13-10. What struck me about the game was that there were at least 3000 fellow Eagles fans that made the trip - a great sign of fan loyalty. What was shameful was that 1500 of them seemed to be involved in fistfights. Southern Californians are the most laid-back easygoing people in the country! They don't fight at football games. They don't care! Yet here were hundreds of drunken rampaging Eagles fans starting fights all over the stadium. One guy a few rows behind where we were sitting threw a beer on a lady after she and her husband politely asked him to stop cursing and spitting (drooling?) on their son. He punched the lady, got swarmed by stadium security and looked at me (I was wearing my jersey) for help. Sorry bro. You are on your own. I was truly embarrassed by the behavior of my fellow Eagles fans out there. It was a disgrace.

The barbarian Philly fan angle was played up by every media outlet imaginable leading up to the October 8th Eagles-Cowboys game, and the return to Philadelphia of Terrell Owens. Once the town's favorite Eagle (he was regularly serenaded with a European soccer chant changed to sing his initials), he was now being blamed by an entire city for last year's poor showing by the team (a 6-10 record). The national media told and re-told all of the old horror stories, and featured some of the more colorful screaming-mutant calls to 610 WIP. Funny how they left out all of the calm, rational callers... It felt as though the national media WANTED someone to do something stupid to justify the national obsession with the "evil" Philadelphia sports fan. But a funny thing happened on the way to another black mark on the city's sports reputation. No one threw anything at T.O. Fans let him have it verbally, but there were no arrests for assault. It probably helped that the Eagles won the game, but this should still be credited as serious progress. Maybe we are evolving after all.

This past Sunday, the Eagles suffered a loss that registered a 9-out-of-10 on the Philly Disappoint-o-Meter. The Eagles gave away their second game of the year, and they deserved the criticisms that have been raining down on them since the moment a 62-yard miracle field goal went through the uprights to beat them. Philly fans and media types did what it is they do - begin playing the blame game. I am not saying that I want people in this town to let up on their passion. I am not saying that I don't criticize Philly teams for their performances (I do) or get upset after a disappointing development on the field, court or ice (I most definitely do). What I am saying is that we as a city need to ease up on the negativity.

Athletes today are more mentally and emotionally fragile than they have ever been. The player who thrives while being afraid to make a mistake is a rarity. Turning on a guy when he is struggling does not motivate them to play better. If anything it probably causes them to press. If I had a dollar for every time a fellow Philadelphia sports fan has said something along the lines of "Yo, that guy stunk while he was here. We get rid of him and now look how good he is doing!", I would be a very rich man. Without getting too scientific about it, it would appear that the ratio of players who performed better after coming to play in Philly compared to the number of players whose output increases after leaving Philly is ridiculously weighted towards the latter. I don't believe it is even close. Now, one has to wonder - why is that?

Should everyone in Philly stop booing? No, they shouldn't. Booing has its place. Pat Burrell deserved some booing this year. Scott Rolen should be booed every time he comes here. Same with J.D. Drew, Kobe Bryant and T.O. Philly fans should continue to intimidate opposing teams, and giving visiting fans the business is fair game as well as long as it stops short of vulgarities and/or violence. Throwing beer, bottles or punches at someone for having the gall (stupidity?) to wear an opposing team's jersey in our houses is completely uncalled for. It is assualt, pure and simple, and people who perform these acts should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Stupid plays that occur during a game should be met with a vocal response from the fans, but every failure or loss shouldn't be followed by hundreds of call to sports talk radio calling for someone's head. Even though the Eagles lost, it doesn't mean Any Reid "stinks" (he is a very good coach) or that Donovan McNabb is "horrible" (he isn't, most teams in the NFL would kill to have him wearing their uniform). I am so tired of the knee-jerk reacting that the bulk of our fan base does after almost every game. I am also tired of the argument that the crass behavior of Philly fans is due to "20-plus years of losing". It's bunk. Philly fans were hard even in the early 80's when all of our teams were playing for championships. We need to tweak our reputation, even if it is only slightly. We want good players to want to play here. How else are we ever going to get over the hump? Who really wants to play for people that will turn on them as soon as they hit a rough stretch? We can still be tough fans while upping the positive support somewhat. If we don't, all we'll have to be "proud" of is our reputation - because there probably won't be any championships to hang our collective hats on.

[Currently Listening: Buck O Nine - "My Town"]

Need the Weekend To Start Already

Work is totally nuts again. Not that it ever really stays calm around here for long. I've been roped into the middle of yet another power struggle and I am tired of it. I seriously need to start looking at other options that might be out there for me.

I have a little less than two hours to survive until the end the work week. The weekend should be pretty nice. Going out for dinner tonight, and most likely tomorrow night. I am eager to see what kind of feedback, if any, I get to my first article for Instrumental Analysis. IA is a music site started by one of my best friends from college (Mike L.) and his very good friend Joe who used to throw some back with us on the weekends up at U.C. They approached me about doing a weekly Op Ed article for the site, and today was my debut. The topic should generate some response ("Why I Loathe Country Music"), and I am eager to see what people think.

I may try to and go see "The Departed" this weekend. Not sure if it's Kim's cup of tea though. The reviews are mostly positive but most of them warn that it is not a movie for the faint of heart. Sounds like my type of flick for sure.

I had a total lost football weekend last week. The Eagles lost (not unexpectedly) to the Saints. I had my second straight sub-.500 week in the spread pool (6-7-1), I was eliminated from the suicide pool, and I lost all three of my fantasy games. Nowhere to go but up, right? My football weekend was the equivalent of a bad country song (wife leaves, dog dies, car breaks, etc.). This week doesn't feel like its going to be much better. We're at the fantasy halfway point. Make or break time.

I have to again voice my complete appreciation for MySpace. I have been lucky to track down some old friends that I have truly missed and who I might not have heard from ever again if not for the site.

Well, that's my stream-of-consciousness no-agenda post for the day. Happy weekend, everyone.

[Currently Listening: 3rd Bass - "Product of the Environment"]

Headaches

Our house phone has been ringing a lot more than normal over the past few weeks. The increased volume can not be attributed to an increase on our family's popularity, nor, thankfully, is it due to any loved one-related conundrums. Apparently, taped messages from people running for political office do not fall under the auspices of the "Do Not Call" list.

Of all the calls we have received of this nature, none has made it past word four before being hung up upon. I do not see how this is an effective campaign tool, unless really bored people with nothing better to do than listen to taped pitches make up a sizable portion of the voting public. My lack of interest in the taped messages is fueled by a number of factors, the most notable being my general dissatisfaction with the current state of our democracy. I plan to vote, as I do in almost every election - but I am torn as I do so. I find myself wondering if my participation in the current system is an actual endorsement of it. I am proud to live in a country that allows for the people to choose our leaders (last two Presidential elections notwithstanding), but it is obvious that our nation is stagnating under the current system in which the only politicians that can afford to run for office are mouthpieces for one of two parties. I have said it before and I will say it again - the solution to most problems does not lie on one end of a polarized argument or the other. It generally lies somewhere in the middle. Our country is deprived of solutions that make sense because the current political landscape forces us to choose from what amounts to the lesser of two evils.

I have often wondered if I am alone in this thinking. However, today I read an article by Lou Dobbs that lifted my spirits. Dobbs makes many valid points, and he had me hooked with his introductory sentence:

"I don't know about you, but I can't take seriously anyone who takes either the Republican Party or Democratic Party seriously -- in part because neither party takes you and me seriously; in part because both are bought and paid for by corporate America and special interests."

Truer words have not been spoken in a long time. Please take the time to visit the link above and read the article for yourself. Our democracy is for sale. The either-or choice we are faced with in every major election does not work. I do not agree with Mr. Dobbs' assertion that the entire middle class should declare themselves "independent". This would not necessarily change the status quo. What our nation needs now more than ever are VIABLE third and fourth parties to contend with the two political behemoths that dominate our political landscape while selling out their policymaking power to the highest bidders - without shame. Democracy is about choice. It is high time we were given more of one. The article serves as a shill for Dobbs' book "War On the Middle Class", but he makes many interesting points. Make sure you check it out.

I have been plagued by headaches over the past three weeks or so. They refuse to relent and of course it has made my mind race as to what might be causing them. My wife says that I am a hypochondriac and I know I tire her with my constant voicing of my fear that every physical malady of mine represents the beginning of the end. So, for three weeks I have been sitting here thinking that I might have a brain tumor, and I happen to come across an article that theorizes dehydration as a leading cause of headaches. It suggests that someone my size should be taking in 120 oz of water a day. Seeing how I drink almost no water at all per day, I am encouraged that perhaps I do not have a brain tumor. Starting today, I will be drinking a lot more water, and we'll see what happens.

[Currently Listening: Men At Work - "Be Good Johnny"]

True People of Faith

I am a Christian, but I am sad to report that I am not a very good one. I have often joked that I am going to be driving the shuttle bus to hell. I sin. A lot. I swear, show hostile and anger towards my fellow man, I gamble, I drink sometimes, I have stolen, I have been dishonest. I have done lots of other stuff too but I'm trying to keep this simple. As most of you know, there was yet another school shooting this week, this one about a half hour from my house. Some jackhole with issues snapped, stormed an Amish school and shot 10 helpless Amish schoolgirls. Reports of school shootings reverberate through me for a lot of reasons, moreso now than when I was younger. My wife is an elementary school teacher, and stories like this hit home.

I am never one to dismiss or discount mental or emotional illness. I am no Tom Cruise when it comes to these things. All of us are products of our environments, our upbringings, and life occurrences that shape us into the individuals we are today. Past traumas can eat away at someone's emotional stability and cause them to do some truly horrific things. That being said, the guy who perpetrated this act does not get a pass from me. Apparently, there was something in one of the gunman's suicide notes about "revenge" for something that happened "20 years ago". I can't see anything that could have happened to anyone that would explain the binding and shooting of 10 little Amish girls. I won't even go into the factoid released by the State Police that the guy brought lube with him. Shooting 10 Amish girls is revenge for what?!? The man was a sick coward. Anyone who attacks children is a sick coward. Anyone who attacks unarmed innocent people is a coward. If someone molested this guy when he was a kid, I could see going after the party responsible. I am not saying I condone revenge of this sort, but that is at least somewhat understandable. Not this, unless the guy was sexually assaulted by a rampaging horde of Amish schoolgirls some 20 years ago. And even then, to attack innocent kids now is just as unconscionable.

I have always respected the Amish. They live life by their rules without hurting anyone. Their lifestyle allows them to be self-sufficient, and it is very planet-friendly. As much as I respect the Amish, I could never be one. My wife pointed out last night that the only electricity they are allowed to use is a small generator to a barn. Unless I could get a generator big enough to run an HD TV, cable box, a PC, an internet connection, my PS2 and a stereo I wouldn't last "32 minutes" as an Amish - a quote from the missus. She is absolutely correct in her assessment. The Amish are a closed society, and the media hordes that have descended on Paradise, PA are most definitely an unwanted intrusion. I hate much about the news media sometimes, and this one quote from last night's news broadcast really got me angry: "funeral services for four of the slain Amish girls are scheduled for tomorrow. Amish spokesmen have asked that the public respect the families' privacy". This was being spoken over video footage of Amish mourners being hounded by television news cameras while trying to shield themselves from being taped. Nice. The Amish seem to be handling the hypocritical media circus most admirably, but that is not why my respect for the Amish has grown this week.

One of the first statements recorded from Amish spokespeople was that they forgive the coward who killed these innocent children and then turned the gun on himself. This man was not of the Amish order. He was not provoked by these children in any way. Yet the Amish - faced with horrible adversity, sorrow and unspeakable loss - demonstrate their adherence to the tenets of their faith by not only issuing statements of forgiveness, but by setting up assistance funds for the killer's children! These are good people, people who take their religious beliefs seriously and who demonstrate their faith by their deeds, not through hollow words.

As i said, I could never be an Amish. If anyone ever attacked my family, especially my son or my niece, the last thing on my mind would be forgiveness. I know my religion calls for me to refrain from judgment, and to forgive those that harm me and mine. I just do not know that I am capable. My wife and mother-in-law asked me if I could forgive someone who molested or killed Zachary. The answer is yes, but I would be forgiving them from inside a prison cell after I beat the person to death. My actual response to the question was: "I would forgive him. I would forgive him after I killed the mother%&*$#". Both of them laughed approvingly when I said it. I believe all of us need to start going to church again.

My thoughts, prayers and admiration go out to the families of the victims, as well as hope that their strength and conviction might rub off on all of us that call ourselves "Christians".

[Currently Listening: The Neville Brothers - "Will the Circle Be Unbroken"]

The World Does Not Revolve Around Me

My wife said something to me last night that was both stinging and enlightening at the same time. She told me that her "world didn't revolve around me". I was fairly hurt by this at first, but I had to take into account that I was most likely being very irritating to her at the time.

I admit, there have been large stretches of my life where I have craved attention. I can immediately recall scads of incidents where I did very stupid things with the goal of drawing attention to myself or to be remembered. I short-circuited my basketball career by showing off in a church gym - breaking my elbow and shoulder while dunking a ball - because of the pretty girls in attendance. My constant need for people to like me and remember me directly motivated me to spend an ungodly amount of money in college on bottled beer, and led me to spend most of my time on campus most unwisely. I must say that I DID have a fairly good time in college, and I was always afraid of missing something. Hence, ninety-five percent of my papers weren't started until at least midnight on the night before they were due. I wonder how dangerous I would have been in college with actual study skills, a plan and proper motivation.

I look at myself today and I do not see someone as high-maintenance as I was in my teens and early twenties. I don't expect anything from anyone, and I rarely act as though my needs or desires are more important than anyone else's. Granted, there is probably a lot more I could do to help around the house, but wow. Maybe I am reading too much into what she said. I mean, once The Man Zachary came aboard the family ship - our collective world rotates around him. Maybe I have completely gone soft. The relatively tough city kid is now an uber-sensitive mamby-pamby emotional spaz. Unless of course I am NOT reading too much into this. I guess time will tell. But, doesn't everyone in a relationship want to believe that the world of their significant other orbits at least somewhat around them?

I spent the bulk of this past weekend in the home office hammering on the keyboard for my night job. My wrists and fingers are ready to fall off, and my eyes are one screen-squint away from melting out of my skull. I know my night boss appreciates what I was able to get done. I didn't find out I was going to be devoting my weekend to his business until late Friday afternoon. Rules changes in how work visas are awarded were announced on Friday, with a two-week window for compliance on all applications. So, one of the big yearly paperwork crunches that normally happens in January and which normally takes a week and a half to process had to be completed this past weekend in two days. Fun, fun, fun!

[Currently Listening: Operation Ivy - "Yellin' In My Ear"]