Torn On Gun Control

I have been a little too wrapped up with my own neuroses over the past few weeks to articulate my thoughts on current events, and there is a LOT going on in the world (and beyond) these days.

The Virginia Tech massacre has been covered from top to bottom by every news outlet and blogger worth their salt, and while I hate to beat a dead horse, I have some thoughts on the matter that I am trying to work through. First and foremost of these are my thoughts and beliefs concerning gun control.

As with most issues in America, the debate over gun control is completely polarized. You have your groups that would like to ban the sale of firearms completely and then you have your NRA zealots who always take the argument to the other extreme. The "gun culture" in this country is fairly insane. I completely and wholeheartedly understand what the founding fathers had in mind with their "right to bear arms" idea. In times of war, unarmed civilians were being preyed upon by armed soldiers. The only way to protect themselves back then was to arm themselves. Another motivation back then was that our new nation was easier to invade than it is today. Allowing the population to arm itself served as both a deterrent to invaders as well as making it far easier to drum up militias in the event America would be invaded.

Flash forward 215 years or so to the America of the new millennium. We live in a vastly different country than the America of 1791. I have heard a number of pundits, lobbyists and media personalities over the past week use the Virginia Tech murders as a platform to call for gun control, gun bans and the like. One common thread to the arguments is that times have changed since the days of America's infancy and that our attitudes (and laws) concerning guns should change with it. My personal belief is that there is truth in these arguments, but in reality things have not changed as much as many of us would like to believe.

One of my biggest fears, one that has spawned recurring nightmares, is that armed thugs could break into my house and I would be powerless to stop them from harming my family. In my nightmares I am forced to watch while horrible things happen to my loved ones.

One of my favorite movies/documentaries is Michael Moore's "Bowling For Columbine". It is truly a work of genius. Mr. Moore postulates that the murder rate in our great nation is so high because there are so many people with guns. He lays out all of the knee-jerk theories about violent video games, angry music, action movies and such. He then compares the murder rate in America to those of other countries that have similar love affairs with violent media content. The results were mind-blowing and most of these theories that blamed The Matrix, Marilyn Manson and Halo were put to rest. If you haven't seen the documentary yet, be sure to check it out and let me know what you think. Check out this link to the documentary's cartoon "A Brief History of the United States of America". It is CLASSIC. Wow, nothing like being 5 years behind the times... Be sure to look for my blog entry in 2012 where I share my thoughts on changing the voting system for American Idol so we don't have another Sanjaya on our hands....

I agree with Michael Moore that the biggest problem with gun violence in America is the prevalence of guns. It seems simple enough. However, while America is a pretty scary place nowadays I am not ready to throw my votes behind any gun control measures quite yet. Why? While I may be scared to death to walk the streets of certain areas of Philadelphia (including my old neighborhood, the late, great Overbrook) I am even more afraid what would happen if only the criminals and police had guns. While I do not own a gun (because I don't trust myself with one), my philosophy on firearms is that it is better to have one and not need it than to need one and not have it. Guns make it alarmingly easier to kill someone, or to kill oneself. The availability of guns in this country is the leading cause a murder rate that is a true American embarrassment to the rest of the world. There is an adage I have heard hundreds if not thousands of times that I truly hate. The old "guns don't kill people, people kill people" one. It is the biggest crock of crap in the whole arsenal of NRA apologist arguments. Looking back on the Virginia Tech tragedy, how many people would that guy (I refuse to use his name) have been able to kill if he were wielding a sword or a knife? The death toll would have been significantly lower and the victims would have had more of a fighting chance to fight him off.

Going back to my point about things not being as different today as they were in 1791, I have very little faith in the current administration - and less faith today than I ever have that my civil liberties are safe and secure. I honestly believe that the "right to bear arms" is a huge deterrent to our own government putting a huge collar around the population if they ever chose to do so. I have said before that other countries are doing democracy and infrastructure better than we are, and I still believe that. However, I truly feel for the populations of these countries if their governments ever decided to crack down. Our murder rate is a tragic disgrace. It is tough for people to feel safe with the millions of guns spread all over the country.

I will not say that gun control in America is an impossibility, but only insomuch that almost anything is possible. I honestly do not see a realistic way to disarm Americans nor do I see anything on the horizon that suggests that there is a way to ween Americans from their weapons of choice. One can hope that we will evolve as a people and as a species but as long as there are armed criminals (who will undoubtedly always be armed) and police, I am glad I have the option of owning a gun if I so chose. This sentiment was echoed this week by a very wise man named Denny Hatch in his online column Denny Hatch's Business Common Sense.

I always thought I was pro-gun control. A huge part of me wishes I still was. Again, I loathe guns. I hate how easy it makes it to kill someone. I hate seeing things like the Amish school shooting and the Virginia Tech massacre. I pray that there is some way that we will grow to a point that these things are not regular occurences, and that we can figure out a way to make the inner cities safe. But until then, I cannot throw myself behind calls for gun bans. I just can't.

[Currently Listening: Less Than Jake - "A Still Life Franchise"]

Stop the Ride, I Want To Get Off

In what seems to be a recurring theme with me, I started a new job in early March. I found what looked to be a perfect situation for me. Very close to home, better salary, small company that offered loads of growth potential, and a company that provides a service that I find socially redeeming. Finally, an answer to my professional prayers.

For a little over a week now, I have been on the verge of an anxiety attack. I feel like Tony Soprano during Season 1 - constantly on the verge of passing out. My chest has been tight as a drum, and my head feels like it might explode. The job has been a little different than what I expected. Lots of accounting work, some of which is upper-level stuff. I am no accountant. I have experience in bookkeeping functions, but audits and reconciliations aren't really my thing. Anyway, last Thursday my bosses told me my position with the company was "tenuous". No matter that the 60-day "intense" training period I was supposed to be in the midst of never happened. I was a mess.

To say I was depressed over this development would be an understatement. I could barely function. I have a new personal rule - if severely down and unable to concentrate, do NOT play poker. I didn't want to cancel the poker night at my house on Saturday night, but I was a sitting duck all night long. I played horribly and my heart just wasn't in the game.

I came in to work Monday determined to put my best foot forward. I would bust my butt and do the best I could (not that I wasn't trying hard already) and if it was good enough, fine. If it wasn't, then I would go back to the drawing board. I am happy to report that Wednesday night, I spoke to my boss on the phone and she gave me a very nice vote of confidence. She commended me on my interaction with coworkers, clients and even went as far to say that I had a bright future with the company - once I mastered all of the accounting functions I am being given.

Two days later and I don't feel much better than I did before. My heart doesn't so much beat as it bangs in my chest. I am still so wound up that I have no idea how I would react if certain situations would arise. It's probably a very good thing that I have taken a basketball haitus, as I would be one bad call or one hard foul away from having to be dragged off of someone. What is wrong with me?

I used to be a much stronger person than I am now. I have been homeless and never remember feeling like this. I have gone to the doctor a few times over the past handful of years with tightness in my chest. I was surprised both times when my doctor tried to give me prescriptions for anti-depressants and ant-anxiety meds. I never got them filled, and I am wondering now if I made the wrong choice. I have always prided myself on being drug-free (beer notwithstanding) and my fear is that I will become dependent on these medications. I honestly have no idea what to do right now.

On a related topic, have you ever had a friend or an acquaintance that seemed to always be able to know what you were feeling at a given time? I have one of those. I don't see her or talk to her very much anymore, but I think she can still sense when I am struggling. I got a call out of the blue late last week from a psychologist that was recommended by my old friend. The doctor called right when I was at my lowest point. I haven't made the arrangements to go see him yet (no insurance until at least June) but I believe I will at some point. I just wanted to give a bloggy thanks to my friend for thinking of me.

Speaking of friends, one of the best I have ever had is getting ready to move. When he called to tell me he was moving 3000 miles away I felt some sadness. But, the truth is that since I never get out anymore I have only seen him once a year since my wedding. Disgraceful, I know. Anyways, this good friend of mine has been talking of making the move for years. In fact, we both almost left for the left coast when we were in our mid-20's. He, like me, has struggled with a lot of personal things and he is going to take a shot to change things for himself. I wish him the best, and I hope he knows that I will still be here doing the family thing if he needs anything from me.

[Currently Listening: Toots and the Maytals - "Pressure Drop"]