Vince Does Not Play Well With Others

There was a time in my life where I was a pretty good teammate. I was well-liked by my coaches, teammates, parents of teammates... I'm not sure when all of that changed. Other than some intramurals during college, I played no organized sports from 1993 until 1996 - when I started a hockey team with some friends. I took an extended hiatus from basketball, my first love, from 1993 until 2002 when I joined a men's league with my friends Rob and Jimmy.

I grew up playing sports in my neighborhood and to be honest I have always been ultra-competitive. I have always loved to win. I have always hated losing. I have been like this as long as I can remember. Whether it was a spelling bee, gym class, the two years I got to play Little League, CYO hoops, high school sports or what have you. It wasn't until '96 that I became maniacal about any of this.

The majority of my teammates in both hockey and hoops have tended to enjoy playing on my teams (most of the time, I am the captain) as they know that my teams generally win and I nigh-religiously have my teammates' backs. Any of my hockey teammates will attest (especially the smaller finesse players) that they liked playing with me because they knew any cheap shot they received would be answered immediately. More importantly, our opponents also realized this and for that reason rarely took cheap shots on my guys. I can not tell you how many times guys that used to play with me will come back and tell me that they wished they were still on my teams because of the shots they take on their new teams.

As good a captain as I am as far as X's and O's go, I do have weaknesses. Most of these revolve around my temper - something that never manifested itself when I was younger. I have shown an on-again off-again penchant for yelling and screaming at my guys. This is somewhat weird in that I have coached kids in a variety of sports and have never yelled at any of them. I am told I am a pretty good coach and most of the parents of my kids request me to coach their kids again. However, while I am captaining my adult teams, I blow my stack over certain things.

I have never yelled at or shown up a teammate for being a bad player. There are guys (including myself) that have limitations and that is life. What usually sets me off are guys that know better and do something on purpose that goes against the game plan (i.e. doing their own thing) or who are not playing as they are capable (i.e. effort). I am as hard on myself as I am on anyone on my teams, but that doesn't make them feel any better when I spaz. I thought I had mellowed out some of late but this current basketball season has been most trying.

The season has been a mess with injuries (I lost two of my better guys for the season), scheduling conflicts (work, dying pets, etc.) and league organization in general. On top of that, I have two guys who are very dedicated to the squad but obviously feel that I am clueless and that they are going to do the exact opposite of everything I ask the team to do in terms of how we play. Now, I have always been open to guys in hockey or basketball making suggestions for doing things differently. I have always been very open-minded about things like that. These two guys simply have an issue with me and are hell-bent to do their own thing. If we were winning, I would just deal with it. However, we are NOT winning. We are losing games like crazy, and usually, it is because no one wants to stick to any of my game plans.

The last two games have been particularly brutal in this regard. If I am the captain of a team I expect at least some measure of respect. I will not accept being ignored or openly defied. So it is with that in mind that I had two blowups in the last two weeks. To be honest, I was already looking to change up the team before next season, and my plan was to ride it out and take care of business in the off-season. As Marsellus Wallace said in Pulp Fiction, "Pride only hurts. It never helps".

Whether or not it is still warranted (it isn't), I still command double and triple teams almost every game. There is no one else on my team that gets that respect. I take a beating every time we play. Most teams have to foul me to keep me from scoring. I am nowhere near as capable as I was a couple years ago, but I digress. I have a reputation in this league of being a little psycho. I have gone off (usually on refs) a time or two to be sure. There is only one ref or opponent that I have not made peace with after one of my blow ups. I will even say that I still feel convinced that most of my explosions are warranted. We live in sensitive times, and apparently that goes for suburban men's basketball leagues as well.

It is obvious that I need counseling. I have a lot of pent-up rage and lots of issues that I need to deal with. A lot of these issues manifest themselves when I play sports. Whether it's my high expectations for my teammates, the pounding I take being a bigger guy, my personal demons or some combination of the three I don't know. What I do know is that I can't play with the two guys on my team this season and I probably shouldn't play at all until I get my temper under control. I need to remind myself that I am dealing with grown men who might not share my passion or thoughts on how things ought to be done.

One of my teammates this season also happens to be a very good friend. He emailed me after last week's game telling me I "have to stop". He talked about past teammates of ours that left our team because of my rants (I only truly miss one of them, the others were not good teammates and I do not regret sharing my feelings with them) and that he felt compelled as my friend to talk to me. I appreciate his efforts and he is right. So, for now, I am done with sports. I am semi-retired. This comes at a good time for me since I will be without health insurance from April 1 through the beginning of June. in the meantime I am going to try to talk to someone about my nasty streak. I guess we'll see what happens. After this season I'll see what my friends on the team want to do. They'll either stick with me or I'll be entering the league with a whole new bunch of guys. I hope I don't have to do that, but like I said, I am SEMI-retired.

[Currently Listening: Kool Moe Dee - "I Go To Work"]