Exuberance

"Back up, back up is what you get. Beat up, keyed up this rocky road" - The Transplants - "Sad But True"

As I drove back to work from picking up lunch earlier today, I found myself overcome by a feeling of nigh-giddiness. It felt as though a wave of euphoria washed over me as I bopped along to "Sad But True" by The Transplants. It should be noted that this is not a happy song by any means. It is about missing the dearly departed, and it usually hits me pretty hard when I listen to it. It wasn't the song that triggered my happiness.

I am still fat, still uber-dissatisfied with my professional lot in life, my family (parents, sibs, etc.) is still struggling and my basketball team for next season isn't working out quite like I had hoped. My trip to the dermatologist Saturday morning is causing me some discomfort, and one of my cats is apparently suffering from some serious indigestion. We are barely making it from month-to-month in paying the bills, and my car is making a scary clunking noise when I have the wheel turned at an extreme angle in either direction. Yet, with all of this going on, I was filled with happiness and a desire to try to love my fellow human being more than I have of late.

It dawned on me this morning that while I complain a lot about what I have done with my life, it isn't all bad. I have a great wife who is supportive - while I am sure she wishes she could trade me in for a more chore-intense spouse. Our son, The Man Zachary, amazes me every day. The kid is slamming the fast-forward button developmentally. He is crawling all over the place, standing and walking around furniture, and starting to make sounds that vary from the normal "dadadada" and "muhmuhmuhmuh".

I believe a lot of my happiness is stemming from the weekend. It was Kim's first Mother's Day, and I believe I did well by her. We had my parents, Gabby and Kim's Mom over for a cookout on Saturday evening and it was very nice. My parents behaved, and Gabby was awesome. We gave her a pair of soccer cleats that she loved, and she was awesome with Zachary. Gabby tested for kindergarten last week, and we have collectively worried how she would do - or if my sisters drug-infested pregnancy would finally rear its ugly head). She tested almost perfectly, and we are very proud of her. Maybe my Mom isn't doing as bad a job as I have feared.

As I said last week, work has gotten somewhat better. Again, I am not going to let it go to my head in case the pod people give us my boss back. That being said, I am handling all of the extra stuff he is giving me well, and I should be in a position of strength when I ask for more money. Should he chach me on my request, I know I'll have options. The peace of mind that options bring to the table is invaluable.

Another thing that hit me over the past week or so is how thankful I am that my friends and family stuck by me through the mess I got myself in a little over a year ago. The stunt I pulled was very, very stupid. Yet, even people close to the situation refused to turn on me. Perhaps I am not quite the scumbag I believe myself to be sometimes...

My wife told me last week that I was a "wonderful" father. I don't know about that. I will say that it choked me up and made me feel really good. No matter how much my screwing up in college set me back, or what issues I might have from childhood, or mistakes that I have made in recent years - I still have something to shoot for. I can keep striving to be a better father, husband, friend, son, uncle, neighbor...a better PERSON. I like to rant and rave about how messed up the world is, how people drive me crazy, about how unfair things are - but I am no better than everyone else trying to make their way through this nutty world. You know what? I have a lot to be happy about.

Then again, I haven't read the news yet today...

[Currently Listening: Pete Townshend - "Let My Love Open the Door"]