Life, Death and the Holidays

I had an introduction in mind last night for today's blog, which was going to be about people with those giant annoying Christmas caricatures on their lawns. The introduction was basically an apology for me not having anything poignant to say and to thank people for reading my self-indulgent ramblings. And, while I still plan to rant about the most horrible trend in Christmas decorations in recent memory, there is something a little closer to my heart that I want to talk about today.

I got two emails this morning that bore bad news. Horrible news, actually. The first was from my old friend Becky. Becky was notifying me that our good friend Keadren's fiance Mike had passed away last night. Mike was hospitalized a couple of weeks ago and was found to have a recurrence of his cancer. The second email I received was from good friend Danny E. informing me that another good friend, the Rev. Dick Sutton, was suffering through an agonizing mystery illness. He is reportedly "worn-out from the pain" and was eager for his opportunity to "talk with God".

I have known Keadren since the late 80's. I used to spend a lot of time with her, her brother Matt, and the rest of their Lansdale-area-based crew which later became known as the Elephant Posse. I used to take the R5 with my friend Jamie Alessi to visit those guys almost every weekend. We used to have a blast, no matter what we did. These guys were some of the best friends I have ever had. That being said, Keadren has had this long-standing foible of being drawn to the wrong sort of guy. As a caring big-brother sort to Kea, I never approved of most (if any) of her boyfriends. In fact, I didn't really like any of them. Keadren is a loving person, and tended to see the best in these guys while throwing herself into the relationships 100%. Most of them ended badly. I never said "I-told-you-so" or anything like that. I just tried to be there for her when the wheels came off. I only met her fiance Mike once or twice, but he was the first guy I saw her with that didn't set off my Big-Brother alarm. You could sense how happy they were together. I can read people very well, and I sensed that they truly cared for one another. It made me feel good to see Kea FINALLY find a good guy that was going to treat her the way she deserved to be treated. A couple of weeks ago, Kea sent out an email that Mike was sick and had to be taken to the hospital. They couldn't figure out what was wrong, but two previous bouts with cancer had everyone worried. After being transferred to a hospital in Philadelphia, doctors did find that the cancer had returned and was attacking his liver. Keadren didn't give up hope, and kept everyone apprised through email updates and prayer requests. Knowing Kea, she stayed positive and supportive of Mike throughout the ordeal. Mike's condition, however, continued to deteriorate until finally, last night at approximately 5:25pm, Michael Fulmer passed away in Keadren's arms.

Dick Sutton is easily one of the greatest people I have ever met. I worked for the American Baptist Churches, USA for about three years. I was easily the youngest person working for the organization, but I forged friendships that I will treasure for the rest of my life. While I might have been a youngster back then (mid-twenties) compared to most who worked for the ABC, Dick Sutton had an aura about him that belied his 60+ years. If there is a "people-person" on a greater scale than Dick, I haven't met them or even heard of them. He was the most approachable, engaging, disarming and enjoyable person I had ever worked with or been around. I had many long talks with Rev. Sutton about family, the workplace, personal struggles, religious topics and the occasional sports or current events chat. I looked forward to my talks with Dick, and while I was not following in his footsteps by any means, he was a true mentor to me. I haven't spoken to Dick much at all in the time following my departure from ABC a few years ago. The news that he may pass soon has hit me harder than I would have expected. If there was anyone I should been using as a resource as I enter fatherhood and the rest of my life, it's Dick Sutton. I feel guilty for not getting in touch, even after getting word of his retirement from ABC. Should Dick Sutton pass away from this illness, it will be a huge loss for everyone who has known him. No story about Dick Sutton would be complete without referencing "story time". While working for National Ministries at ABC we had daily department breaks, and every-once-in-a-while Dick would break out a book for story time. All story times involved children's books. Dick would read the group the books just as though we were 5-year-olds gathered around their Kindergarten teacher. He would even turn the book around so we could see the pictures. At the time, I found it simply amusing. In time though, I would see that there were messages in the books Dick chose to read to us. You see, the Rev. Dick Sutton knew that most of us were too busy with our lives to notice the little things in life. Many of these little things can teach huge life lessons. In all of the hustle and bustle of life, we constantly lose sight of what it is important. Dick Sutton always knew how to help us put things in perspective. He is a wise man, maybe the wisest I have had the pleasure to interact with. I miss my talks with Dick. I miss him in general. He is a great man. My thoughts and prayers will be with Dick and his wife Carole (another fantastic human being). To hear that Dick is suffering as he is has me in tears. No one deserves to suffer like that, but least of all someone who has done so much for so many people. When Dick Sutton walks through the gates of heaven, heaven is going to be better for it.

As the holidays approach and stress levels rise, as we get to spend time with relatives no matter how annoying, try to keep in mind how truly lucky we are to have time with the people we love. Life is short, and precious. I was reminded of that indirectly in the wee hours of the morning today. My son woke us up this morning at 4:30am, and usually this is cause for consternation. But, in my haste to get into his room and get him to go back to sleep this morning, the darndest thing happened. I looked into his crib and The Man Zachary was wide awake. He smiled at me and laughed. I couldn't be upset. In fact, at that moment I wasn't even tired. I stayed up with him and stayed calm while trying to coax him back to sleep. After some sleep-fighting and a nice head-butt to my right cheek, the baby settled down and all was well. As I looked down on him smiling back up at me, something dawned on me. He isn't going to be this little forever. Every bit of time I get to spend with him is a blessing, no matter how tired I am. Ferris Bueller said it best: "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile you could miss it".

In all of our haste to "get through" the holidays, family gatherings, church and the like - let's take a minute to look around at the people around us and take a minute to think about how much we'd miss them if they were gone. It sounds a bit morbid, but it really isn't. None of us is guaranteed another day, and neither are our loved ones. Make sure the people that are important to you know how you feel about them. Take the time to truly enjoy their company.

I ask you, should your beliefs lean this way, to keep Keadren, Mike's family, and the Suttons in your prayers.

[Currently Listening: Neville Brothers - "Will the Circle Be Unbroken"]